If I had to run for my life…I would probably die…

So I went jogging a few hours ago…damn it’s harder than it looks.

I went with my brother and partner and I don’t look good xp. I haven’t done any real physical exercise since PE in year eleven and haven’t ran properly since year 9 which were 2 and 4 years ago…so I’m WELL out of shape. My partner said at the end “I was looking at three weeks initiation and three months to get you good, initiation is now looking at a month and a half” lol. To be fair, my brother and partner are a lot more sporty than me 🙂

I had had no trainers so wore big snow boots, no tracksuit bottoms so I wore jeans and no jumpers so I borrows my mum’s fleece. I started ok, but soon realized I should have brought my iPod, because then I think about the music not the running and i can’t hear myself breathing and don’t realize when I start getting tired and loose incentive. It started ok, but it ended with me feeling light headed and like my right leg was made of jelly and all these joggers kept happily bouncing past and there’s me feeling like a lost jellyfish. So I hardly looked like a modern wonder woman…:) we are due in for another run on thurs so I’ll probably have more to say then, tomorrow is sit ups.

All joking and laziness aside I do feel a lot better after the run, when I got back I was knackered, but now I feel refreshed and awake and more…alive…sort of. Well more animated and lively anyway 🙂 so this might be good not just for my self esteem but also for my bi polar and energy levels…only time will tell

C

Let’s Get Physical

Because I’ve been going on and on about how I feel fat lately my partner has decided to help me by making me exercise as it will make me feel better and stop me being ‘such a woman’ lol 😉 . We’ve mentioned it once or twice before and now he’s actually going to get me to exercise.

My stomach has puppy fat which I’m not used to and very conscious of and I’ve always had a thing about my thighs being big and no matter how much my partner says otherwise I still can’t shift the feeling. I was reluctant to start exercising,

1) because I’m a lazy bum at heart 🙂

2) I don’t want to burn off the weight I’m putting on – my partner says I wont burn it off I’ll will just turn it into muscle and it will make me feel better as I’ll be toned

3) last time I exercised was in the middle of a really bad spout of anorexia where I ate a lot less than I should and did a lot of exercising till it hurt and burning off more weight than I was putting on and starved my self down to a bag of bones. But this time I’ll have my partner here to help and he’ll make sure I don’t go into overdrive or do damage to myself.

So we have a schedule where we jog for three days a week and do sit ups for another 3, alternating between the two, on the seventh day we’ll rest…yesterday we did nothing so that’s the rest day gone. We’re going to jog around the park near by working up slowly from one lap with rests to more difficult jogs. With the sit ups we’re going to start by doing 5, resting for 2 minutes, 5 sit ups, rest and repeat until we’ve done 25 sit ups, we’re also thinking about taking up climbing as my partner used to do it a lot and has stopped so we might start doing it together, also in the summer he wants to take me  on cycle rides to work the stomach muscles as this is the bit that bothers me most.

Jogging commences today…wish me luck

C

LOL!!!!!

Bit naughty but hey ho

This is probably me in the near future xp

Quite relevant 🙂

Weekly Weight In

8 Stone 10 pounds (+1 pound)

Dove Real Beauty Campaign/Height-Weight Ratio

I found the Dove Campaign on the internet in which women aim to raise self-esteem and promote REAL beauty, it’s very interesting and well worth the read.

Video from the Dove campaign

I looked at this Height-Weight Ratio Chart to see where I was, at 5’8″ and 9 stone ish I’m just healthy.

This is the Dove website, if you click the Campaign for Real Beauty and look through the different categories there are loads of really useful things to help raise self esteem and help mum’s and carers help those suffering, it is aimed a girls but there’s no reason a man couldn’t use it 🙂 I will definitely be using it to help me and really recommend it 🙂

Ideals

Me, Myself and I

I’ve recently been having trouble with my anorexia again and feeling out of proportion and ugly so I went searching for what REAL woman’s bodies look like. I’ve always looked at mannequins as my idols and have only recently realized they are not the true proportions of a woman as their hips are too thin. So I went looking at what a real woman looks like and came across an interesting article which I thought I would share

Click here to read it, it’s all about thinner women earning more, but men preferring curves not bones from women they are in relationships with.

C

The Prequel

Before I start posting again properly I thought I’d just show you a picture of me from October and one from a the beginning of February as it’s 6 months since I started fighting my anorexia. They say you can see the change in weight best in the face of someone so I’ve cropped the pictures to be of my face 🙂

C

February 2012

October 2011

New posts

Been away for a while but new posts and weigh ins coming soon 🙂

Here We Go Again…Welcome To The Edge…

So I’m meant to be at school but I’m home ill.

I’ve been finding it harder than normal to get out of bed and get moving every morning, I’ve been getting later and later everyday and have less motivation each time. I NEED a break, I ran out of steam last Friday and I’ve been running on empty all week.

I missed two days last week being ill and having uni interviews so I had work to catch up on resulting in 7 essays to do for Friday and finding this out on Weds.

On Tuesday  I went into school and couldn’t read or write for a day as every time I looked down my head started spinning.

Yesterday I was stressed and today I woke up even more stressed.

It’s that time of month so I’m not 100% anyway. I’m stressed with all the essays. Worried about uni, will I get in? Will me and my partner be together or apart? If we’re apart how will we cope? If we’re apart will we fall apart like my friend and her partner are? How will I cope at uni with my illnesses?

So I have no lessons today and I spent the first lesson doing my first essay. I hadn’t had time to brush my teeth or put my makeup on that morning so I did that half way through. Finished and was still in a bad mood as I was now in pain from the period (I suffer badly). I felt deflated, exhausted, stressed, down and irritable. I was playing Angry Birds to chill for a bit then a girl who I’ll call M came along and intentionally jogged me even though she could see I was in a bad mood, so rather than being careful round me like everyone she pissed me off…smooth. Just for some background knowledge M is supposed to be one of my best friends best friend, but has been a right cow to her lately and she’s just generally annoying as she has been for the last two years as she’s very self centered and thinks the world of herself. A lot of my friends sing and they were standing there singing Queen songs and she was shouting at them to shut up, saying they were annoying and pissing me off, they’re enjoying themselves why should they shut up for a stupid bitch who doesn’t even like them and should really move if they’re that annoying but no, she’s the center of the world and too lazy to move.

I ended up telling her to shut up and she said “No I’m not, I’m not gonna shut up just because you’re in a bad mood”…well if you know i’m in a bad mood why are you pushing me? I ended up telling her what I thought of her, that’s she’s a bitch to my best friend and she was going on about “you have no idea what she’s said to me…you don’t know half the story to shut up…omg I can’t be bothered with this…stay out of other peoples business…etc etc”

When she went I ended up collapsing in tears on my partner, I’d had enough, I wanted to punch M and another girl, it was all too much but I couldn’t say this because I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t explain the way I was feeling.

After about 10 mins I told him to go to his lesson as he needed to and I didn’t want him to get into trouble and I collapsed on my stuff. Two of my friends came over and looked after me, we ended up eating chocolate and talking about what food’s shouldn’t be tried, like chocolate bacon.

Still, everyone was annoying me. M is probably gonna moan to my best friend. My best friends may or may not get upset with me. My tutor will be pissed I didn’t turn up to her unscheduled lesson and give me a lecture. Another stupid girl is pissing me off. Little things that I normally ignore are all too much. I don’t know if I can stand going in tomorrow. I’ll do all I can to get my essays done. But I don’t know what will happen next. I expect when M finds out I went home she will attribute it to her wonderful arguing skills and say how lame and sad I am and pride herself on pissing me off. But right now I don’t give. I can’t. I haven’t got the energy. The holidays start in two days and I hope to start again afterwards.

C

Weekly Weigh In

8 stone 9 pounds (+2 pounds)

At the moment I’m averaging about +1 pound a week, which is good as long as I can keep it on 🙂

C