An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Archive for the ‘1 year’ Category

1950’s

What happened to society? Why can’t we still be like this?

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Born In the Wrong Century

Not. Even. Funny

So…I managed to get rid of the bladder infection…then four days later it came back. I’m now dosed up on pain killers, antibiotics and barely able to walk because of the pain.

This is now the 7th time in 14 months I’ve had it so I need tests and scans done to see why it’s happening. -_-

So no gym for me…still…

No Longer a War With the Mirror

So yesterday as I was getting ready for bed I realized I’m comfortable with my body.

I don’t feel I want implants anymore to balance my self out. This is my body, and I quite like it 🙂

If I want to make myself more ‘balanced’ in tight tops I can just put on a push up bra…solved. I don’t need surgery to feel good anymore 🙂

As far as my journey from anorexia goes this is a major break through for me, I’ve never been able to look in the mirror and like what I see. And I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with liking what you see. It’s not vain, it’s not big-headed, it’s right. Everyone has a choice, to either look in the mirror and see yourself every morning or to look in the mirror and spend every morning getting down over your figure, over what’s wrong with it. You’re going to have this body for your whole life, you may as well get used to it 🙂

And it’s all down to my partner, his love of my body, his determination to get me to see it the way he does. Congratulating me when I manage to say I look good and making me stand in front of the mirror and really look  at myself when I think I’m ugly. Him making me eat, accepting my faults and never giving up on me when times were bad, when I’m stubborn and infuriating and accepting me, warts and all. Thank you K, I love you and owe you so much xxxoooxxx

C

And another bad start…

So I went to the gym for the first time on Wednesday, but then soon after I got freshers flu and a bladder infection so I haven’t been able to go since.

I didn’t go to Pilates on Wednesday as I’d planned because we were running late so we just went to the gym bit of the gym 😛 I basically had an hour of induction onto the machines but I now have a weekly plan and in two weeks the guy said I’m to try the weights with the bi bar between them rather than the little hand weights.

So the machines basically focus on arms, legs and upper body muscles as I said I wanted to work on my arms and he said I’d need to work on the whole of my body or I’ll end up with some toned bits and some ‘flabby’ bits 😛 So I warm up either on the running machine or with weights – making sure all of my body is worked from legs to my neck – then I work my way round the machines which each individually work different body parts-back, top arm, bottom arm, forearm, bicep, legs, bum etc- before warming down by stretching.

I’m on antibiotics now so I should be better in about 3 days so I’ll miss another session but might go on Tuesday just to get back into it before Pilates on Wednesday 🙂

C

Gym time :)

So I still suck at doing my exercises…but in half an hour I’m heading over the road to join the gym 🙂 so now I’m paying for it I’ll HAVE to go 😛 The plan is to do Yoga on a Monday, A Pilates/Aerobics biweekly rotation every Wednesday and Zumba on a Friday 🙂 So I’ll let you know how it’s all going

I’m also going to see if I can get my anti-depressants upped to 40mg as I’m struggling with anxiety and depression and as the winter months close in things are only going to get tougher.

I also have a lovely friendship group who are looking after me and my partner 🙂

C

Lady Gaga’s Body Revolution 2013

So if you follow Lady Gaga on twitter you’ll probably have seen this already, but for those that haven’t, she recently launched a Body Revolution on Twitter.

It started with this:

Then her fans started posting themselves, skin disorders, deformities, missing limbs it didn’t matter:

Then there was this:

I’m not always the biggest Lady Gaga fan, but I do love it when a celebrity uses their fame and their power to inspire their fans and to try and make the world a better place. So if you want to get involved go to here: https://twitter.com/ABodyRevolution to post yourself or to support others.

C

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