An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Archive for February 28, 2012

If I had to run for my life…I would probably die…

So I went jogging a few hours ago…damn it’s harder than it looks.

I went with my brother and partner and I don’t look good xp. I haven’t done any real physical exercise since PE in year eleven and haven’t ran properly since year 9 which were 2 and 4 years ago…so I’m WELL out of shape. My partner said at the end “I was looking at three weeks initiation and three months to get you good, initiation is now looking at a month and a half” lol. To be fair, my brother and partner are a lot more sporty than me 🙂

I had had no trainers so wore big snow boots, no tracksuit bottoms so I wore jeans and no jumpers so I borrows my mum’s fleece. I started ok, but soon realized I should have brought my iPod, because then I think about the music not the running and i can’t hear myself breathing and don’t realize when I start getting tired and loose incentive. It started ok, but it ended with me feeling light headed and like my right leg was made of jelly and all these joggers kept happily bouncing past and there’s me feeling like a lost jellyfish. So I hardly looked like a modern wonder woman…:) we are due in for another run on thurs so I’ll probably have more to say then, tomorrow is sit ups.

All joking and laziness aside I do feel a lot better after the run, when I got back I was knackered, but now I feel refreshed and awake and more…alive…sort of. Well more animated and lively anyway 🙂 so this might be good not just for my self esteem but also for my bi polar and energy levels…only time will tell

C

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Let’s Get Physical

Because I’ve been going on and on about how I feel fat lately my partner has decided to help me by making me exercise as it will make me feel better and stop me being ‘such a woman’ lol 😉 . We’ve mentioned it once or twice before and now he’s actually going to get me to exercise.

My stomach has puppy fat which I’m not used to and very conscious of and I’ve always had a thing about my thighs being big and no matter how much my partner says otherwise I still can’t shift the feeling. I was reluctant to start exercising,

1) because I’m a lazy bum at heart 🙂

2) I don’t want to burn off the weight I’m putting on – my partner says I wont burn it off I’ll will just turn it into muscle and it will make me feel better as I’ll be toned

3) last time I exercised was in the middle of a really bad spout of anorexia where I ate a lot less than I should and did a lot of exercising till it hurt and burning off more weight than I was putting on and starved my self down to a bag of bones. But this time I’ll have my partner here to help and he’ll make sure I don’t go into overdrive or do damage to myself.

So we have a schedule where we jog for three days a week and do sit ups for another 3, alternating between the two, on the seventh day we’ll rest…yesterday we did nothing so that’s the rest day gone. We’re going to jog around the park near by working up slowly from one lap with rests to more difficult jogs. With the sit ups we’re going to start by doing 5, resting for 2 minutes, 5 sit ups, rest and repeat until we’ve done 25 sit ups, we’re also thinking about taking up climbing as my partner used to do it a lot and has stopped so we might start doing it together, also in the summer he wants to take me  on cycle rides to work the stomach muscles as this is the bit that bothers me most.

Jogging commences today…wish me luck

C

LOL!!! :D

LOL!!!!!

Bit naughty but hey ho

Bit naughty but hey ho

the future of me xp

This is probably me in the near future xp

Quite relevant 🙂

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