An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘muscle’

Off to a bad start…

So I haven’t been able to start my exercise regime properly as I have been ill -_- I have a stomach ache, head ache and I feel tired all the time, and just generally sick. So doing press ups and skipping wouldn’t help. Although the few times I have been able to do it is starting to make an improvement, as I’m starting to get a wee bit of muscle in my arms 😀 my skipping isn’t so good but that can be worked on. I’m not sure if my illness is caused by my anti-depressants as I’ve had the dosage upped to 20mg from 10mg and since then I’ve been ill…so it might be them. I’ll have to check the side effects, but on the other hand it is that time of month and I tend to get ill then anyway…so we’ll see how it goes.


So…What Now?

So, I’m no longer starving myself, so that side of anorexia is over. But now I have to deal with the other aspects of anorexia as in the damages it has done to my body and the mental side. So here are my aims:

  1. Continue to eat regularly and healthily while I’m at university – no skipping meals etc.
  2. Build up my core strength – I have no core body strength (stamina) so I need to build this up e.g. skipping, cardio exercises
  3. Build up my arm muscles – my arms are the part most affected by my anorexia as I never had the energy to do anything and the anorexia prevented my muscles from growing so I need to start from the beginning and build them up e.g. press-ups
  4. Join a gym – to keep healthy and build up my body
  5. Cycle regularly – I can’t drive and I hate buses so I have to walk or cycle anyway but I mean proper cycling, starting at twice a week my partner is going to eventually going to work me up to being able to do 15 miles a day (!!!)
  6. Learn to love myself – I’m doing ok at the moment, I have good and bad days, but my aim is to learn to love myself like my partner loves me, my main aim being to learn to like my bust area…because that’s the bit I still can’t stand
  7. Take up climbing and maybe swimming – my partner likes climbing and so do I, and swimming will help me get my body building up long lost muscles.
  8. Monitor my body – growth, heart and what I can eat/drink. When I should have had my last growth spurt my anorexia was at it’s worst, I wasn’t eating enough and I was exercising off what I was eating almost immediately, so I didn’t grow. So I’m going to measure my height every now and then to see if I’m growing because when I was younger it was predicted I would grow to be 5″10, and I’m only just 5″8. I have heart problems and I’m not sure if they are related to my anorexia so I’ll be keeping an eye on that. I was told I had a sensitive digestion system and would couldn’t eat fast food (I’d have a protein shock and feel lethargic, sick and have a hot flush), drink fizzy drinks (they would hurt my stomach) or alcohol (it would burn my throat). But since beating I can now eat most fast food (excluding McDonald’s “beef”), fizzy drinks sometimes hurt if I drink them fast, and alcohol doesn’t burn as bad and I’m not as much of a light weight (two bottles of WKD with 4% alcohol in each would get me tipsy).
  9. Survive uni 🙂
  10. Keep writing 🙂

So this is what you’ll be hearing about from me over the next year, I hope it’s as successful and interesting for you guys to read as this year has been 🙂


Back From Holiday

So here’s whats been happening:

  1. I feel more self conscious about my chest than ever
  2. I managed to wear a bikini and only felt self conscious once
  3. I walked around the town in France near me in a crop top and didn’t feel at all self conscious
  4. I have decided once again to try and get fit. This time it isn’t to tone up…it’s to stop me being such a weed. My arms are very weak and I have no stamina and I run out of energy very quickly. So I’m starting by doing 2 reps of 10 press-ups a day…but because I’m a weed I’m teaching my arms to do it so I have my lower body on a bed or chair and my upper body hanging off so my arms get used to taking weight on them. Me and my partner invested in some press up bars that you hold onto when you do them. I’m also skipping, I do 30 skips (I double bounce making it 60) to help build up my stamina. I aim to do these every day and my partner wants to get me out cycling more as well 🙂

So that’s all for now, my exam results come out on Thursday so I’ll know if I’m into uni or not….wish me luck

Press Up Bars

Update Post #1 – Arms

My arms are getting bigger 🙂

Bit random but hey ho. Basically my arms a re tiny, my biceps (untensed) are 24cm round, the area after my elbow is 24 cm and my wrists are 13.5cm. But my forearms are getting bigger. The main reason I have such tiny arms is because there is not a lot of muscle in there and years of anorexia have not exactly built up my muscle. But this at least shows I’m getting healthier and my body is rebuilding itself.


Let’s Get Physical

Because I’ve been going on and on about how I feel fat lately my partner has decided to help me by making me exercise as it will make me feel better and stop me being ‘such a woman’ lol 😉 . We’ve mentioned it once or twice before and now he’s actually going to get me to exercise.

My stomach has puppy fat which I’m not used to and very conscious of and I’ve always had a thing about my thighs being big and no matter how much my partner says otherwise I still can’t shift the feeling. I was reluctant to start exercising,

1) because I’m a lazy bum at heart 🙂

2) I don’t want to burn off the weight I’m putting on – my partner says I wont burn it off I’ll will just turn it into muscle and it will make me feel better as I’ll be toned

3) last time I exercised was in the middle of a really bad spout of anorexia where I ate a lot less than I should and did a lot of exercising till it hurt and burning off more weight than I was putting on and starved my self down to a bag of bones. But this time I’ll have my partner here to help and he’ll make sure I don’t go into overdrive or do damage to myself.

So we have a schedule where we jog for three days a week and do sit ups for another 3, alternating between the two, on the seventh day we’ll rest…yesterday we did nothing so that’s the rest day gone. We’re going to jog around the park near by working up slowly from one lap with rests to more difficult jogs. With the sit ups we’re going to start by doing 5, resting for 2 minutes, 5 sit ups, rest and repeat until we’ve done 25 sit ups, we’re also thinking about taking up climbing as my partner used to do it a lot and has stopped so we might start doing it together, also in the summer he wants to take me  on cycle rides to work the stomach muscles as this is the bit that bothers me most.

Jogging commences today…wish me luck


LOL!!! :D


Bit naughty but hey ho

Bit naughty but hey ho

the future of me xp

This is probably me in the near future xp

Quite relevant 🙂

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