An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Archive for the ‘Month 7’ Category

Sorry I’m Late/Weigh In

Ok, sorry I’ve been quiet. I’ve been struggling with school work and stuff, but I’ll be more vocal again.

The good news is I’m now 8stone 10 pounds. I remembered the other day my goal when I was anorexic ws 7 stone 7 pounds…so I’m a stone heavier than I was then 🙂

Whilst trolling through my Facebook I found this picture from March last year taken a few days after I started my relationship with my partner (we celebrated our first anniversary on Thursday :D) I’m fourth from the left and it shows how skinny I was back then…

Just for comparison this was taken around New Years time…even I have to admit I’m looking better…and that’s not something I say everyday

Turning Tables

Having anorexia is one thing. When someone close to you gets something similar it becomes a whole new ball game. I can’t say who, I can’t say what but now my perspective has changed.

I can now see why my family found it so infuriating trying to get me to realize I wasn’t fat.

The person has everything a girl should want physically, and yet, it’s all gone tits up. They’re a mirror of my condition. I started because I wanted control of my something and now it’s staring me in the face again. Only this time from someone else’s eyes. I’ll do everything I can tp help them because I don’t want anyone to get as bad as I did. Especially not them – they deserve better.

I’m not a carer and a sufferer. I’ll keep you updated as through this I can show what’s behind the illness and how to help which will hopefully help someone somewhere. I will keep the person’s identity secret, so If they are reading this don’t worry, no one knows and I wont give up on you.


Jogging + sit ups

So I went jogging for the second time this week and did a lot better. I took my iPod, although I forgot to take a drink…so I’ll be doing that next time.

I ate some toast and a slow release energy biscuit before I went which helped. Last time I stopped four times on the first half of the run, then got dragged along and only had two stops the rest of the way, but this time I only had four stops and managed to jog up half the big hill at the end 🙂

We started sit ups the other day, my partner has to sit on my feet to stop them lifting off the floor lol We did two lots of 10, so 10 sit ups, rest for 2 minutes and 10 more. He made sure I used my stomach and not my neck to lift up and I didn’t keep flopping down rather than controlling it.

As my partner is my trainer he’s decided we’ll take two rest days a week, which will mean we alternate between sit up and jogging weeks, so a sit up week would be sit up-jog-sit up-jog sit up and a jog week being jog-sit up-jog-sit up-jog.

There’s no noticeable difference yet…but then after 1 week there isn’t going to be so we’ll just have to see how things go 🙂


P.S. This isn’t gonna turn into a blog about jogging, just in case you were worried…it’s not going to be The Fitness Diary in a few weeks 😉

If I had to run for my life…I would probably die…

So I went jogging a few hours ago…damn it’s harder than it looks.

I went with my brother and partner and I don’t look good xp. I haven’t done any real physical exercise since PE in year eleven and haven’t ran properly since year 9 which were 2 and 4 years ago…so I’m WELL out of shape. My partner said at the end “I was looking at three weeks initiation and three months to get you good, initiation is now looking at a month and a half” lol. To be fair, my brother and partner are a lot more sporty than me 🙂

I had had no trainers so wore big snow boots, no tracksuit bottoms so I wore jeans and no jumpers so I borrows my mum’s fleece. I started ok, but soon realized I should have brought my iPod, because then I think about the music not the running and i can’t hear myself breathing and don’t realize when I start getting tired and loose incentive. It started ok, but it ended with me feeling light headed and like my right leg was made of jelly and all these joggers kept happily bouncing past and there’s me feeling like a lost jellyfish. So I hardly looked like a modern wonder woman…:) we are due in for another run on thurs so I’ll probably have more to say then, tomorrow is sit ups.

All joking and laziness aside I do feel a lot better after the run, when I got back I was knackered, but now I feel refreshed and awake and more…alive…sort of. Well more animated and lively anyway 🙂 so this might be good not just for my self esteem but also for my bi polar and energy levels…only time will tell


Let’s Get Physical

Because I’ve been going on and on about how I feel fat lately my partner has decided to help me by making me exercise as it will make me feel better and stop me being ‘such a woman’ lol 😉 . We’ve mentioned it once or twice before and now he’s actually going to get me to exercise.

My stomach has puppy fat which I’m not used to and very conscious of and I’ve always had a thing about my thighs being big and no matter how much my partner says otherwise I still can’t shift the feeling. I was reluctant to start exercising,

1) because I’m a lazy bum at heart 🙂

2) I don’t want to burn off the weight I’m putting on – my partner says I wont burn it off I’ll will just turn it into muscle and it will make me feel better as I’ll be toned

3) last time I exercised was in the middle of a really bad spout of anorexia where I ate a lot less than I should and did a lot of exercising till it hurt and burning off more weight than I was putting on and starved my self down to a bag of bones. But this time I’ll have my partner here to help and he’ll make sure I don’t go into overdrive or do damage to myself.

So we have a schedule where we jog for three days a week and do sit ups for another 3, alternating between the two, on the seventh day we’ll rest…yesterday we did nothing so that’s the rest day gone. We’re going to jog around the park near by working up slowly from one lap with rests to more difficult jogs. With the sit ups we’re going to start by doing 5, resting for 2 minutes, 5 sit ups, rest and repeat until we’ve done 25 sit ups, we’re also thinking about taking up climbing as my partner used to do it a lot and has stopped so we might start doing it together, also in the summer he wants to take me  on cycle rides to work the stomach muscles as this is the bit that bothers me most.

Jogging commences today…wish me luck


LOL!!! :D


Bit naughty but hey ho

Bit naughty but hey ho

the future of me xp

This is probably me in the near future xp

Quite relevant 🙂

Weekly Weight In

8 Stone 10 pounds (+1 pound)

Dove Real Beauty Campaign/Height-Weight Ratio

I found the Dove Campaign on the internet in which women aim to raise self-esteem and promote REAL beauty, it’s very interesting and well worth the read.

Video from the Dove campaign

I looked at this Height-Weight Ratio Chart to see where I was, at 5’8″ and 9 stone ish I’m just healthy.

This is the Dove website, if you click the Campaign for Real Beauty and look through the different categories there are loads of really useful things to help raise self esteem and help mum’s and carers help those suffering, it is aimed a girls but there’s no reason a man couldn’t use it 🙂 I will definitely be using it to help me and really recommend it 🙂

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