An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

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It can be done

Anorexia

The picture on the left was taken October 2011 and I’m 7 stone 7 and anorexic

The picture on the right was taken March 2013 and I’m 9 stone 5

 

So…

So I’m skint
And back to eating microwave ready meals/soup and/or toast.
I’m very mentally ill at the moment and I realized the other day I don’t feel anymore, I don’t laugh anymore, it’s like there’s a wall inside me between me and emotions.
I just need to get through this week, get my projects done then get home to my parents and it’s three weeks at home with my family for Christmas 🙂
I’m looking at next year as a new start. A chance to try again. To look at this term and where I messed up and improve on it.
I’ll be less stressed, I’ll manage my time better, I’ll enjoy myself more, I’ll start on projects when I get set them and not a few weeks later so I end up with a backlog, I’ll eat healthier, I’ll manage my money better and I’ll go to the gym at least once a week.

Where are you???

So I’ve disappeared off the internet for months…about that…school work is falling out of my ears and it was a case of there was either nothing to write about or not enough time to write it. I’m gonna try and start writing again, it’ll probably all be via mobile as it’s quicker and easier and I can update anywhere so there may be a lack of images, but then again you can’t have it all so hey ho.

So over the last few months I’ve been made one of two student reprepresentatives for my course year group. Uni is a definate step up in terms of work and standard. I’ve had a lot of stress breakdowns and cried on my partners shoulder a lot.
I’m still the same weight and eating well, although last week I couldn’t stop eating and this week I have to force myself to eat. I’m also having to reset my body clock, because I’ve been snacking so much lately I don’t eat a proper full meal in the evening, I eat barely half so I’m having to train myself not to rely on snacks. It means I get hungry late at night a lot but it’ll be worth it.
Me and my partner are a bit skint at the moment so that’s stress, my post isn’t arriving, the DSA havent given me most of the equipment I need and I need it now…so it’s lots of little things meaning I’m very stressed at the moment.
I also wanted to get all my family and friends really nice Christmas presents…but that’s not looking likely at the moment :-/

So in essence I’m now officially a student 😛

Don’t hate you

Update

I’m OK with my body, I still think my top half is too small for the bottom but I know it can be fixed in the future with implants.

I’ve had my hair cut short again, I didn’t like it being long, it got in the way and stubbornly refused to do anything unless I spent ages singing it with straighteners. I’ve bought a wig though, because sometimes I do want long hair and I can just pop the wig on and go.

The anti-depressants are working, I don’t get depressed as much, I do occasionally get irritable but that’s just me being female 🙂 I don’t feel like I’m wearing a mask as I now know when I’m depressed and can deal with it rather than finding out too late and crashing out.

My acne is back, I’m not sure why because I’m not depressed, it might be because I’m lounging round the house and being a bit stig-y 🙂

Like I’ve said in previous posts, I’m really quiet at the moment because nothing is happening in my life. I’ve finished school, so I’m at home all day. There’s not enough jobs for the amount of people applying so I can’t do that, I don’t want to volunteer yet because I’m waiting to see if I’ve got a job I applied for and really want and I don’t want to start volunteering and then have to stop because I get another job. So I spend all day at home, cooking, drawing or playing on The Sims. I would go out and do stuff but the weather is so crap I can’t. We meet up with friends once a week and we all compare the nothing we’ve been doing 🙂 I have another post I started a while back I need to finish so I’ll get that done soon and I’ll do another weigh in as well 🙂 So watch this space

C

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