An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Archive for March, 2012

Update Post #2 – My bulimic friend(s)

Last I heard my close friend  is worse. It all started because a girl at her college is copying her. My friend is the popular one, and this other girl wants to be, so she began to copy my friend and to bitch really badly behind her back to try and make people think my friend is lesser. Most people think the other girl is a douche, but when my friend found out what was said she began to think something was wrong with her and began throwing up. She was doing really well and didn’t throw up for a day, then she heard the other girl had been bitching again and started throwing again. She also says she eats when she isn’t hungry, she just eats…she isn’t fat…but she is always eating…even when she isn’t hungry. She no longer see’s food as food, but rather as calories. She has a sudden desire to be the girl that when she walks into parties, everyone says how fantastic she looks…but last time she went to a party all she’d eaten that day was an apple and some paracetamol and she ended up paralytic…

Friend two finds eating is the only thing that makes her happy. She can’t go to school because her schizophrenia is so bad she can’t focus so she won’t get good grades. She can’t go to college because there is nothing to study, she can’t go to uni because she doesn’t have the grades, she can’t go to work because she’s too ill to sustain a job. She feels like her life is going no where. She eats to make herself happy, but then she wants to throw it up but because her Dad is now working at home to keep an eye on her, she can’t throw up which makes her feel ugly and dirty.

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Update Post #1 – Arms

My arms are getting bigger 🙂

Bit random but hey ho. Basically my arms a re tiny, my biceps (untensed) are 24cm round, the area after my elbow is 24 cm and my wrists are 13.5cm. But my forearms are getting bigger. The main reason I have such tiny arms is because there is not a lot of muscle in there and years of anorexia have not exactly built up my muscle. But this at least shows I’m getting healthier and my body is rebuilding itself.

🙂

I’ll Be Back

I’m under a lot of stress from school at the moment as I have my big final Textiles project in for Thursday and it keeps going wrong…so once that’s done I’ll find time to sit down and give you lots of lovely updates…

C

Mass Update

So…Me and my partner have started cooking….his cooking skills extend to Ratatouille and mine extend to a full English Breakfast…just kidding the best thing I can cook is beans on toast. We have been cooking little cake-y things, the first one was a disaster, it looked like a stone with moss on it, but last week’s one wasn’t so bad, sugary cookie base, chocolate vanilla pudding and chocolate topping, yum 🙂 Ok, so the presentation wasn’t amazing and we called them the Blob Cakes, but I’m more aware of taste now, and this is helping to steadily build up a realtionship with food, which is sometihng I don’t have. So that’s good.

Reading the article in the last post I decided to see how I would fare next to a professional model in measurements, the Association of Model Agents say a girl should be around 34-24-34 in and at least 5 ft 8 in (1.73 m) tall. I am 30.5-26-37.5 and i’m  5 ft 8 in tall. So I’m bigger than a model…and I’m a recovering anorexic who is still way to skinny, something doesn’t seem right here. The model in the article is 33-24-35 and 5ft10 in, my hips and waist are bigger than her, she may be taller, but really?

Random fact: the original model measurements: 35.5-23.5-35.5 in (90-60-90 cm) were based on the alleged measurements of Marilyn Monroe…so how about we go back to using measurements of real people…and not mannequins?

I’ve been rather stressed with school lately as well. I’m academically capable of going to a really prestigious university, but I’m also very ill, and the stress of having to get the grades (BBB minimum) was making me too stressed and ill so I had the choice of lose the prestigious uni and go to a lesser one which I love and have my partner with me or go to the prestigious one alone…I chose the less prestigious one as their grades are BC and I can get in there really easily.

And another friend of mine has bulimia…seems it’s just taking people out one by one 😦

So that’s my update so far…

C

Not another bag of bones

H&M’s “corpse-like” model stirs up controversy

A little article I thought I would post

Sorry I’m Late/Weigh In

Ok, sorry I’ve been quiet. I’ve been struggling with school work and stuff, but I’ll be more vocal again.

The good news is I’m now 8stone 10 pounds. I remembered the other day my goal when I was anorexic ws 7 stone 7 pounds…so I’m a stone heavier than I was then 🙂

Whilst trolling through my Facebook I found this picture from March last year taken a few days after I started my relationship with my partner (we celebrated our first anniversary on Thursday :D) I’m fourth from the left and it shows how skinny I was back then…

Just for comparison this was taken around New Years time…even I have to admit I’m looking better…and that’s not something I say everyday

Turning Tables

Having anorexia is one thing. When someone close to you gets something similar it becomes a whole new ball game. I can’t say who, I can’t say what but now my perspective has changed.

I can now see why my family found it so infuriating trying to get me to realize I wasn’t fat.

The person has everything a girl should want physically, and yet, it’s all gone tits up. They’re a mirror of my condition. I started because I wanted control of my something and now it’s staring me in the face again. Only this time from someone else’s eyes. I’ll do everything I can tp help them because I don’t want anyone to get as bad as I did. Especially not them – they deserve better.

I’m not a carer and a sufferer. I’ll keep you updated as through this I can show what’s behind the illness and how to help which will hopefully help someone somewhere. I will keep the person’s identity secret, so If they are reading this don’t worry, no one knows and I wont give up on you.

C

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