An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘exams’

AARRGGHHH!!!!

Exam stress is REALLY starting to set in now

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Hooray for Acne

So lately I’ve been suffering really badly with my acne. It doesn’t show in the other pictures because I either Photoshop myself or it wasn’t visible then. It’s stress related and with exams looming, low self-esteem, family problems and feeling like I fail my partner (I go through periods of time when I don’t feel good enough which is nothing to do with how he treats me, it’s just my mental psyche at the time) as well as other problems my acne has come back with vengance.

Which is making me feel ugly because it hasn’t been this bad in a while. I know it will go away but because it’s there it makes me stress about it…which means it gets worse…so I get more stressed etc

So I was browsing on the internet and I found a video of a girl who also has bouts of acne like me and she uses this concealer to hide it. I watched her put it on and even just a thin layer of it on her face hid all the spots and just left a bit of redness. Wow. Thing is…I’m very against foundation for several reasons:

    • it feels like face paint
    • it can make your spots worse
    • it takes ages to put on
    • powder gets all over everything
    • I don’t want to end up like this(my partner says he’ll stop me before I end up looking like this lol):
  • I don’t want to go orange or have weird looking skin
  • I don’t want to end up like the girls with horrific foundation lines and foundation on so thick it actually starts to clump on their faces

But with my self esteem falling fast and with my partner’s support-the spots don’t bother him, he just wants me to feel more confident-I’m off today to see what I can find. I want something light, that works, that wont clog my pores or stop my skin breathing and covers the spots quickly and effectively and doesn’t cost stupid amounts of money. It also has to mach my skin down to a T. I’m not gonna buy something that feels like face paint, makes the spots worse and makes me look a funny colour. End of.

I also think I look too masculine. My face shape is horrible. I’m a weird shape. My boobs are too small. My legs are horrible. I can’t stand the sight of my self at the moment so I’m doing my makeup not actually looking at me, just looking at what I’m doing. So rather than just walking round feeling like crap I’m going to try and combat this as once exams are over I’ll chill and my spots will go. This is just a cover up because I’d rather be able to just focus on my exams than worry about how I look all the time.

Here’s the girl with the awesome concealer (MAC Pro-longwear concealer NW20):

The Joys of Exams

So I just two retakes in two days and the amount of revision has given me eye strain 😦

I have also recently started comfort eating which is a very weird concept for me…I never comfort eat but I have struck up a very close relationship with chocolate right now…hopefully this will be beneficial to me 🙂

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