An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘body image’

No Longer a War With the Mirror

So yesterday as I was getting ready for bed I realized I’m comfortable with my body.

I don’t feel I want implants anymore to balance my self out. This is my body, and I quite like it 🙂

If I want to make myself more ‘balanced’ in tight tops I can just put on a push up bra…solved. I don’t need surgery to feel good anymore 🙂

As far as my journey from anorexia goes this is a major break through for me, I’ve never been able to look in the mirror and like what I see. And I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with liking what you see. It’s not vain, it’s not big-headed, it’s right. Everyone has a choice, to either look in the mirror and see yourself every morning or to look in the mirror and spend every morning getting down over your figure, over what’s wrong with it. You’re going to have this body for your whole life, you may as well get used to it 🙂

And it’s all down to my partner, his love of my body, his determination to get me to see it the way he does. Congratulating me when I manage to say I look good and making me stand in front of the mirror and really look  at myself when I think I’m ugly. Him making me eat, accepting my faults and never giving up on me when times were bad, when I’m stubborn and infuriating and accepting me, warts and all. Thank you K, I love you and owe you so much xxxoooxxx


Lady Gaga’s Body Revolution 2013

So if you follow Lady Gaga on twitter you’ll probably have seen this already, but for those that haven’t, she recently launched a Body Revolution on Twitter.

It started with this:

Then her fans started posting themselves, skin disorders, deformities, missing limbs it didn’t matter:

Then there was this:

I’m not always the biggest Lady Gaga fan, but I do love it when a celebrity uses their fame and their power to inspire their fans and to try and make the world a better place. So if you want to get involved go to here: to post yourself or to support others.


Off to the land of sheep…and Weekly Weigh In

So…me and my partner GOT INTO OUR FIRST CHOICE UNIVERSITY!!! so we’re going to uni in wales together 😀 I got AABC and my partner got BCC so we’re happy 🙂

Very happy. Now we just have to shop/pack…which will be interesting since I struggle to pack everything for a 2 week summer holiday…so packing for 10 months away from home will be…erm…exciting?

I have also had my anti-depressants upped from 10mg to 28mg so we’ll see how that goes. I took a depression test while at the doctors and before going on the pills I had a score of 27 and now I’m down to about 17 😀 so I’m getting better slowly.

I weigh 9 stone 5 pounds (+3 pounds) I’m still not confident about my breasts but I’m learning to love the rest of me, and my acne is disappearing 🙂


Back From Holiday

So here’s whats been happening:

  1. I feel more self conscious about my chest than ever
  2. I managed to wear a bikini and only felt self conscious once
  3. I walked around the town in France near me in a crop top and didn’t feel at all self conscious
  4. I have decided once again to try and get fit. This time it isn’t to tone up…it’s to stop me being such a weed. My arms are very weak and I have no stamina and I run out of energy very quickly. So I’m starting by doing 2 reps of 10 press-ups a day…but because I’m a weed I’m teaching my arms to do it so I have my lower body on a bed or chair and my upper body hanging off so my arms get used to taking weight on them. Me and my partner invested in some press up bars that you hold onto when you do them. I’m also skipping, I do 30 skips (I double bounce making it 60) to help build up my stamina. I aim to do these every day and my partner wants to get me out cycling more as well 🙂

So that’s all for now, my exam results come out on Thursday so I’ll know if I’m into uni or not….wish me luck

Press Up Bars


I’m OK with my body, I still think my top half is too small for the bottom but I know it can be fixed in the future with implants.

I’ve had my hair cut short again, I didn’t like it being long, it got in the way and stubbornly refused to do anything unless I spent ages singing it with straighteners. I’ve bought a wig though, because sometimes I do want long hair and I can just pop the wig on and go.

The anti-depressants are working, I don’t get depressed as much, I do occasionally get irritable but that’s just me being female 🙂 I don’t feel like I’m wearing a mask as I now know when I’m depressed and can deal with it rather than finding out too late and crashing out.

My acne is back, I’m not sure why because I’m not depressed, it might be because I’m lounging round the house and being a bit stig-y 🙂

Like I’ve said in previous posts, I’m really quiet at the moment because nothing is happening in my life. I’ve finished school, so I’m at home all day. There’s not enough jobs for the amount of people applying so I can’t do that, I don’t want to volunteer yet because I’m waiting to see if I’ve got a job I applied for and really want and I don’t want to start volunteering and then have to stop because I get another job. So I spend all day at home, cooking, drawing or playing on The Sims. I would go out and do stuff but the weather is so crap I can’t. We meet up with friends once a week and we all compare the nothing we’ve been doing 🙂 I have another post I started a while back I need to finish so I’ll get that done soon and I’ll do another weigh in as well 🙂 So watch this space


Love Your Body Campaign…

(Sorry this post is a bit messy…everything keeps jumping around in the layout)

I was a-nosying around the other day on le intranet and I found the NOW Foundation’s Love Your Body Campaign which is part of the National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (a.k.a. NEDAwareness): The Love Your Body website

The Love Your Body campaign aims to challenge the view that a woman’s value is measured through her “willingness and ability to embody current beauty standards.” They believe the beauty industry and the media put too much influence on how women look, not focusing on anything else, they outline where these ideas come from in adverts, magazine’s, fashion adverts, TV, film, music video’s, internet, clothes, toys and video games.

Routine objectification and sexualization of women in the media and other cultural institutions can lead to anxiety, shame, self-disgust, undermined confidence and discomfort with one’s own body.

Research supports that sexualization can lead to eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression — three of the most common mental health disorders in girls and women, according to the American Psychological Association (APA).

I think their campaign is a very good idea (if a bit idealistic-it encourages women to basically get together and fight advertisers which is a good idea on paper, but in practice it’s a bit more complex) I don’t completely agree with how they’re going about it (donate to them, buy their official goodies, start pacts, send e-cards – stuff like that…it’s all to much of a corporate love-fest for me), but I can agree with their principles. Which is why I’m blogging about it.

They’re IS too much focus on women’s bodies, and all shapes, styles, ages and types need to be embraced. Women don’t have to have 7 types of foundation on to be beautiful, if you love you it shines out and because you’re more confident people will find you more attractive.

The Love Your Body Campaign posters are my favourite part as I think they’re brilliant and very encouraging, here’s my favourites:









































So, in conclusion: the Love Your Body campaign is a good idea, it has a lot of good principles and it’s well worth a read so you can be alert to the body image minefield that we live through everyday…but don’t be swept up in it’s campaign until you’ve had a proper think about it. Many people go ‘hell yeah!’ buy the stuff, then as you get more and more emails encouraging you to do things you realize you are a working person and you don’t have time for all this..all you wanted was for you and your friends to be happy. So just take a minute or two to think before diving in.

Apart from that: happy body loving 🙂


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