An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘sleep’

Why I’m at home…again again

I’ve only been in school this week on Monday.

Since going back to school I’ve been up till at least 11:00pm trying to get my work done for school…no big deal for most but I’m normally in bed by 10.

I woke up on Tuesday and felt terrible, I was exhausted and felt fragile. I couldn’t face school. Same yesterday. I got better by the evening, but I slept terribly and couldn’t conjure up the energy for school. I was up late on both Tuesday and Wednesday trying to get my final piece of coursework done. I want to do Fashion Design at uni, so getting the last bit of my Textiles portfolio on my final dress was vital, I couldn’t relax until I’d got it done and I didn’t eat as I was so focused on getting it done…my old anorexia technique of ignoring hunger pains – no matter how bad – kicked back in and it was my partner who made me eat (he’s off too because his braces had elastics put in the other day to pull his jaw forward so he’s in a lot of pain).

My portfolio is done but I couldn’t sleep, my mind was going at 100mph and everytime I went to move I rolled into my partner which woke me up (he didn’t sleep well either) and then I’d dream and wake up and not be able to sleep…so I moved to the floor and it wasn’t much better.

I’ve only been out the house today for a hospital appointment (I have a 4cm cyst in my right ovary…funnnnnnn) and I’ll be in school tomorrow for the morning because I can’t miss an important media lesson. Then I might stay or I might return to my hermit cave.

Although on the good side my bulimic best friend has a Councillor and a sense of purpose as her studies are finally taking off and she’s tipped for big future success…and she has a date 🙂 So she’s happy.

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Any News?

The good news is two weeks ago I hit 8.4/8.5 stone 😀 the bad news is I’ve had a really bad week this week with lack of sleep and being ridiculously busy so it’s more than likely I’ve lost weight. I missed dinner on Tuesday because I was out filming for a school project, I didn’t realize till later that night when I had a migraine and was absolutely shattered, I didn’t think much of it until my partner pointed out if I miss seven lunches in a year then that’s about two days of food I’ve missed. I hadn’t looked at it like that, but it made me really take note when he said it.

Due to my lack of sleep I’m just cranky and get snappy over nothing. I’ll write more about this another time, but the feelings are too fresh and they’re beginning to sap at my strength again.

Oh, I’ve started therapy but they’ve been mucking me around and are too general rather than really going in depth into my problems so I’m considering going private…

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