An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘self love’

Lady Gaga’s Body Revolution 2013

So if you follow Lady Gaga on twitter you’ll probably have seen this already, but for those that haven’t, she recently launched a Body Revolution on Twitter.

It started with this:

Then her fans started posting themselves, skin disorders, deformities, missing limbs it didn’t matter:

Then there was this:

I’m not always the biggest Lady Gaga fan, but I do love it when a celebrity uses their fame and their power to inspire their fans and to try and make the world a better place. So if you want to get involved go to here: https://twitter.com/ABodyRevolution to post yourself or to support others.

C

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So…

Well the good news is I’m all settled in now 🙂

The bad news is I’ve lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks :/

It’s been hectic to say the least, I got set my first project on Monday which I had three days to complete, a fashion shoot on Friday and clothes into store next week (I’m doing Fashion Design if I haven’t previously said)

I’ve also started to become the person I’ve always wanted to be but always been to afraid to be. I’ve dyed my hair black and white and had my nose pierced.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So how have I been doing with my  10 goals?

  1. I’ve been eating regularly and healthily  I’ve only missed about 2 meals since being here and that was because I forgot to prepare for them, but I’ve also learnt to cook 😀 I’ve cooked a bacon and cheese pasta bake and spaghetti bolognaise 🙂 I did take 2 hours to cook a 40 minute meal but it turned out well so I don’t care 😛

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. I haven’t done my exercises at all…but the lift is broken and I live on the 4th floor so I’ve been walking up 4 flights of stairs for the past few days 😛 I do intend to start doing them as of tomorrow…so we’ll see how that goes lol

3. Ditto above

4. Joining a gym next week with my flat mate and a girl I met at a party 🙂

5. Have not been cycling…will start at some point when I know what times/days I’m in uni

6. I still don’t like my bust, but I’m learning to live with it which I suppose is a start. I sometimes catch myself in the mirror and think I’m fat, then I go back and look again and realize I’m not which is good. And I have days where I think “I look good today” which is positive progress 😀

7. Haven’t found a climbing wall near me, but there is a swimming pool in the gym…however it’s been drained and is being sterilized at the moment because there was an infection in the water :/

8. My heart is better, I can also eat and drink pretty much like a normal person and I’m starting to like more alcoholic drinks.  haven’t measured myself which I need to do though.

9.  I’m surviving uni very well lol… although the sleep deprivation is taking a while to get used to 😛

10. I haven’t done very well at keeping writing, but that was mainly because in the first week there wasn’t a lot to tell you about, and then in the second week EVERYTHING happened and there was no time to write. So hopefully things will settle into a routine and I’ll be able to write more now 🙂

C

So…What Now?

So, I’m no longer starving myself, so that side of anorexia is over. But now I have to deal with the other aspects of anorexia as in the damages it has done to my body and the mental side. So here are my aims:

  1. Continue to eat regularly and healthily while I’m at university – no skipping meals etc.
  2. Build up my core strength – I have no core body strength (stamina) so I need to build this up e.g. skipping, cardio exercises
  3. Build up my arm muscles – my arms are the part most affected by my anorexia as I never had the energy to do anything and the anorexia prevented my muscles from growing so I need to start from the beginning and build them up e.g. press-ups
  4. Join a gym – to keep healthy and build up my body
  5. Cycle regularly – I can’t drive and I hate buses so I have to walk or cycle anyway but I mean proper cycling, starting at twice a week my partner is going to eventually going to work me up to being able to do 15 miles a day (!!!)
  6. Learn to love myself – I’m doing ok at the moment, I have good and bad days, but my aim is to learn to love myself like my partner loves me, my main aim being to learn to like my bust area…because that’s the bit I still can’t stand
  7. Take up climbing and maybe swimming – my partner likes climbing and so do I, and swimming will help me get my body building up long lost muscles.
  8. Monitor my body – growth, heart and what I can eat/drink. When I should have had my last growth spurt my anorexia was at it’s worst, I wasn’t eating enough and I was exercising off what I was eating almost immediately, so I didn’t grow. So I’m going to measure my height every now and then to see if I’m growing because when I was younger it was predicted I would grow to be 5″10, and I’m only just 5″8. I have heart problems and I’m not sure if they are related to my anorexia so I’ll be keeping an eye on that. I was told I had a sensitive digestion system and would couldn’t eat fast food (I’d have a protein shock and feel lethargic, sick and have a hot flush), drink fizzy drinks (they would hurt my stomach) or alcohol (it would burn my throat). But since beating I can now eat most fast food (excluding McDonald’s “beef”), fizzy drinks sometimes hurt if I drink them fast, and alcohol doesn’t burn as bad and I’m not as much of a light weight (two bottles of WKD with 4% alcohol in each would get me tipsy).
  9. Survive uni 🙂
  10. Keep writing 🙂

So this is what you’ll be hearing about from me over the next year, I hope it’s as successful and interesting for you guys to read as this year has been 🙂

C

Off to the land of sheep…and Weekly Weigh In

So…me and my partner GOT INTO OUR FIRST CHOICE UNIVERSITY!!! so we’re going to uni in wales together 😀 I got AABC and my partner got BCC so we’re happy 🙂

Very happy. Now we just have to shop/pack…which will be interesting since I struggle to pack everything for a 2 week summer holiday…so packing for 10 months away from home will be…erm…exciting?

I have also had my anti-depressants upped from 10mg to 28mg so we’ll see how that goes. I took a depression test while at the doctors and before going on the pills I had a score of 27 and now I’m down to about 17 😀 so I’m getting better slowly.

I weigh 9 stone 5 pounds (+3 pounds) I’m still not confident about my breasts but I’m learning to love the rest of me, and my acne is disappearing 🙂

C

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