An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘mirror’

Learning To Love

So, now my eating is more under control the final stage is to learn to love myself…which after years of loathing, starving and punishing is not going to be easy.

It’s very rare I look in the mirror and think I look OK, let alone good.

I still hate my body and everytime I see a crease in my skin (like when you slouch and your stomach loo huge) I don’t want to look at myself

Whenever I screwed up I scratch my palms with my fingernails as punishment, and I’ve scratched them raw sometimes.

So I went a-Googling and fond this: How To Love Yourself in 17 Different Ways which I am aiming to try, one step at a time.

My first challenge is to fall in love with myself…

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

So…this could be interesting…I’ll keep you posted

C

P.S. Sorry for the long silences…I’ll try and write more often 🙂

Turning Tables

Having anorexia is one thing. When someone close to you gets something similar it becomes a whole new ball game. I can’t say who, I can’t say what but now my perspective has changed.

I can now see why my family found it so infuriating trying to get me to realize I wasn’t fat.

The person has everything a girl should want physically, and yet, it’s all gone tits up. They’re a mirror of my condition. I started because I wanted control of my something and now it’s staring me in the face again. Only this time from someone else’s eyes. I’ll do everything I can tp help them because I don’t want anyone to get as bad as I did. Especially not them – they deserve better.

I’m not a carer and a sufferer. I’ll keep you updated as through this I can show what’s behind the illness and how to help which will hopefully help someone somewhere. I will keep the person’s identity secret, so If they are reading this don’t worry, no one knows and I wont give up on you.

C

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