An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Posts tagged ‘k’

No Longer a War With the Mirror

So yesterday as I was getting ready for bed I realized I’m comfortable with my body.

I don’t feel I want implants anymore to balance my self out. This is my body, and I quite like it 🙂

If I want to make myself more ‘balanced’ in tight tops I can just put on a push up bra…solved. I don’t need surgery to feel good anymore 🙂

As far as my journey from anorexia goes this is a major break through for me, I’ve never been able to look in the mirror and like what I see. And I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with liking what you see. It’s not vain, it’s not big-headed, it’s right. Everyone has a choice, to either look in the mirror and see yourself every morning or to look in the mirror and spend every morning getting down over your figure, over what’s wrong with it. You’re going to have this body for your whole life, you may as well get used to it 🙂

And it’s all down to my partner, his love of my body, his determination to get me to see it the way he does. Congratulating me when I manage to say I look good and making me stand in front of the mirror and really look  at myself when I think I’m ugly. Him making me eat, accepting my faults and never giving up on me when times were bad, when I’m stubborn and infuriating and accepting me, warts and all. Thank you K, I love you and owe you so much xxxoooxxx

C

What works for me…

So one problem i have with anorexia is when begin to feel full i stop eating although i know i can keep going, but after years of habit i feel sick at the sight of food and can’t continue.

I often find it hard to do things for me, as in if i’m doing something solely for my benifit i often give up because over time i loose interest or it becomes to much, so like I said in my last post, I remembered how it would help my other half, if I can beat this I would never have to see his face falls when I refuse, I wouldn’t have to see the worry in his eyes as he begins to worry if this is going to lead to my death, I wouldn’t hurt him any more.

So to help I decided to draw a K on my thumb (K being the first letter of my partners name) in the hopes that this might help, so that when I begin to give up, I can look at it and be reminded why I am doing this.

C

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