An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Progress

So, I’m 10 months into beating anorexia and I have to say I’m feeling positive. I’m still on a body confidence high from friday night, so I’m feeling good about myself. I’d still like slightly bigger breasts to be more curvaceous, and to muscle up mu arms a bit and I still need to come to terms with my thighs and sort out my posture, but it’s nothing a little excercise or a decent push up bra (every now and then) can’t fix.

In terms of food, I enjoy it. I like it. I can taste flavours and textures and I’m beginning to distinguish between them and actually get some favourite meals. I’m still cooking, last night me and my partner cooked a coconut cake…the coconut icing failed and yellow food dye is a bad idea…but we mixed up some pink butter icing and saved it 🙂 I’m not an organic health freak anymore either. As well as not eating, when I did used to eat I would be convinced that chocolate was bad and I could only eat muesli bars and fruit…I also considered going vegetarian for a while and my Mum put refused to cook me vegetarian food because she knew I wasn’t eating right and as a vegetarian I would be even less healthy.

But all in all I feel good about myself. I feel more confident. I went out and bought some bright red lipstick the other day (It’s actually more purple-y because the bright red was a little too much for me too handle but it’s still the same thing) which is something I’ve wanted to do but never had the confidence to wear.

Hopefully this will continue, I’m still not ‘cured’ and I know in a few weeks I will probably be stressing out, comfort eating, feeling crap and just generally not being well…but at this moment in time I feel good. And I just thought I’d share it because I’m quite proud of it.

C

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