An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

Archive for May 7, 2012

Bra’s and Knickers

Ok, so this applies to EVERYONE, whether you’re size 0 or size 45 (don’t know if that exists).

The biggest ego boost you can give yourself and the best way to make your figure look fabulous is to invest in some decent underwear that actually fits and is not a multi-pack or cheap and cheerful.

I never thought much about underwear till I met my partner because I was just dressing for me. I wore bra’s from Lidl that were about £7 and after a few washes they went a weird shape but I still wore them as they did the job. I’m between a AA and an A and depending on the shop I’m a 32 or 34. I once decided I had grown out of my A cup bra’s and was actually a B…which meant I had two bra’s that were MASSIVELY too big for me. The best bra’s I had were from BHS…they were alright but they were very flimsy and only had inderwiring…meaning they didn’t really give me any structured shape.

I then met my partner, and as he helped me beat anorexia and told me how he saw me through his eyes I began to get an interest in the more feminine aspects of being a woman. plain Lidl bra’s didn’t really cut it any more. It wasn’t until Christmas I actually got a new bra. It was in a sale (I’m a cheap skate at heart). It was red with gold-embroidered leaves on it, very grown up and very classy by a brand called Adore Moi from Debenhams. The brand is normally quite pricey (£25) but it did wonders for me.

I sudden;y had a nice chest area. It also enhanced my decolletage, as it gave me support and enhanced my natural cleavage. I didn’t realize this till a few days later when I was wearing a tank top and I suddenly thought “Oh hello…where did you come from?”. It made me more confident and I realized the blessing of good underwear.

When it comes to knickers good one’s are also a blessing. Although I’d be wary of knickers without a hem (the folded over bit on the edge of clothes) as they fray and get really annoying. But good knickers make you feel sexy and attractive and they’re so comfortable 🙂 You also feel so much more confident when you catch yourself in the mirror as you look good and even when you take them off, you can still see the good sides of you rather than the bad. I’d avoid knickers with a seam along the bottom of it as they give the worst wedgies.

So all in all…get some nice underwear. Even if you save up your pocket-money for that one fabulous bra then do so. You don’t have to spend masses of money on a bra or pair of knickers, just try it on and ask yourself does it fit? Does it make you look good? Do you feel good wearing it? if the answer is yes then go for it. If you have small breasts like me you might need to ferret around a bit, but some really good shops are Debenhams and Ann Summers (they do nice underwear that isn’t all fetish so don’t discount them).

From Ann Summers:

From Adore Moi – Debenhams:

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Progress

So, I’m 10 months into beating anorexia and I have to say I’m feeling positive. I’m still on a body confidence high from friday night, so I’m feeling good about myself. I’d still like slightly bigger breasts to be more curvaceous, and to muscle up mu arms a bit and I still need to come to terms with my thighs and sort out my posture, but it’s nothing a little excercise or a decent push up bra (every now and then) can’t fix.

In terms of food, I enjoy it. I like it. I can taste flavours and textures and I’m beginning to distinguish between them and actually get some favourite meals. I’m still cooking, last night me and my partner cooked a coconut cake…the coconut icing failed and yellow food dye is a bad idea…but we mixed up some pink butter icing and saved it 🙂 I’m not an organic health freak anymore either. As well as not eating, when I did used to eat I would be convinced that chocolate was bad and I could only eat muesli bars and fruit…I also considered going vegetarian for a while and my Mum put refused to cook me vegetarian food because she knew I wasn’t eating right and as a vegetarian I would be even less healthy.

But all in all I feel good about myself. I feel more confident. I went out and bought some bright red lipstick the other day (It’s actually more purple-y because the bright red was a little too much for me too handle but it’s still the same thing) which is something I’ve wanted to do but never had the confidence to wear.

Hopefully this will continue, I’m still not ‘cured’ and I know in a few weeks I will probably be stressing out, comfort eating, feeling crap and just generally not being well…but at this moment in time I feel good. And I just thought I’d share it because I’m quite proud of it.

C

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