An internet 'Dear Diary' of anorexia

I may have already mentioned this but I suffer from bipolar disorder and SAD (seasonal affection disorder) which gets especially bad at winter. Currently I feel dead. I have no energy to do anything, I can’t decide if I want to go on holiday next year because I’m too tired to think that far, when I say tired I mean emotionally and mentally exhausted. I don’t know if I’ll be well enough by then. I’m exhausted, it feels like my brain is dead and I just want to curl up in my bed, shut the world out and stop. Stop feeling stop living (not as in die, just stop doing things) just stop and let the depression in. Basically mourn the loss of happiness. I want to be alone but I know that’s lethal and deep down I don’t want that at all. I’m just getting in with things to stop depression winning. I can’t think I juts keep going to get stuff done because if I stop life will just carry on without me.
C

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